Not happy with your last pay raise? Time to pay attention!
Bosses don’t pay attention to what you do, they pay attention to how much you do. Nothing beats a bosses bragging rights of saying “my evil coach works 24/7. All I see from you is empty desks and Nintendo”. If you want a raise, follow these training principles.
The look busy paradigm:
- Don’t go anywhere without a paper binder under your arm. Want to get coffee? Bring a binder with you. No one care’s it’s a printout of all your emails.
- Look stressed and upset. Carry the phone with you at all times. Make an extra loop passed your bosses office at each coffee break.
- Have your telephone ring you when the boss is around. Pick up, talk loudly and demand results: “damn right I want that delivery – now!”
- Put your desktop screensaver off forever. Nothing looks as lame as a screen saver running.
- Put on your desktop light when you leave work. Even smarter: Put a timer on so the cleaner doesn’t notice, then makes it switch on at 5 AM.
- Send sporadic emails at night. Your neighbor’s kid will do it for you when he plays WoW late at night for a buck or two.
- Book up your calendar with nonsense meetings.
- Say: “I’ll take care of things” whenever your boss is around. Divide the job into fuzzy tasks and hand them to your staff. See them try in vain and accuse them for incompetence when they fail. This gives you more things to take care of. Brilliant!
- Pick up your colleagues kids from school and drop them off somewhere else. This makes your colleagues leave work to go look for them.
It’s eat or get eaten out there. Your colleagues loss from the pay-raise is your gain. What are your reading this for? Go get busy!
Great job Evil coach! Oops – what am I doing here? Time to get busy!
My hero.